25 People on Why They've Ghosted
Some admit they're cowards. Others insist they're setting a boundary or being kind.
Ghosting keeps coming up everywhere, in conversations with friends, in passing remarks at dinner parties, in my own life.
The numbers confirm it’s not just my imagination. About 74% of people have been ghosted at least once in their dating lives. 53% of job seekers were ghosted by an employer in the past year. 38.6% have had a friend disappear without explanation.
(One of my friends, who’s been dating for the past year, even has a clever system for dealing with ghosts: the phone graveyard. If they ghost you the text thread gets deleted and their contact name changes to 🪦🪦🪦. That way, when they inevitably resurface months later, there’s only one appropriate response: “Wait… who’s rising from the grave?” 👻”)
I want to know why people ghost.
We live in a world where it has never been easier to communicate. We don’t need smoke signals, or morse code, or telegrams, or pagers. We don’t even have to call a landline and pray that someone’s parent doesn’t awkwardly pick up first. We can send a quick text from the subway, from the bathroom, from anywhere. So why do people disappear instead of just saying goodbye and providing closure?
And there’s the fact that anyone who has been ghosted knows how painful it feels. Why do it to someone else?
I asked real people (strangers and friends, men and women, straight and gay) why they have ghosted someone, or why they believe they were ghosted. I asked about romantic relationships, friendships, and professional ones.
What I found surprised me.
Not all ghosters are the same. Some recognize they are being immature or cowardly, and they hate themselves a little bit for it. Others, however, don’t see it as avoidance. For them, it’s a boundary, a form of self-protection and a decision not to spend energy on someone who isn’t worth it. One person told me it’s empowering! Then, there are the people who believe disappearing is a kinder, more compassionate exit.
Here are quotes from 25 people on why they ghosted or have been ghosted. I hope it brings some understanding.
Good luck to all of us!